The Official Hairstyle of Connecticut Teens? Apparently, It’s Llama

TRIGGER WARNING: You'll be triggered.

I have conducted an independent study using my eyes and next-level observational skills to determine that Connecticut is the national leader in llama inspired hairdos on teenagers.

I can't remember when the trend first hit but it's got be going on a few years now and shows no sign of slowing down. If you want to have 'rizz" on these Nutmeg streets, it's apparently vital that you look like Sideshow f------ Bob.

I once read that physical beauty comes down to symmetry—the more balanced the face, the better looking you are. If that also applies to your lid-piece (head), then, well... America’s youth is going through it right now. What does a 46-year-old man know about what is cool? Literally everything. I'm an 80s/90s kid. As a group, Gen-X has enough charisma (full word) to power the electrical grid for the Eastern seaboard.

You think I'm out of touch, OK let's take a break from the broccoli domes for a second and examine the rest of the youth uniform in 2025.

High White Socks

They wear these in public. This is a great way to get rolled for your lunch money in 1995.

Sweatpants/Track Pants 100% of the Time

If you see me out in public wearing sweatpants, it's because someone in my house is bleeding profusely and we ran out of Band-Aids. Sweatpants are for exercise and flexing your gear on a Netflix fifth date. By the way, that is D-Hop (NFL wide receiver) catching strays. He knows better, he's 32.

New Balance Sneakers

Did you know these are cool now? If you wore these to school back in the 90s, you'd have to move to another state.

Crocs

Let’s set aside the fact that these are the ugliest shoes ever made for just a second and talk practicality. No self-respecting kid from the ’80s or ’90s would’ve even considered them. When you’re hauling a keg two miles into the woods at 11 p.m. on a Tuesday, you need wheels you can trust.

Whatever This Is

My dude went with track pants, horseback riding boots, mesh, and denim. Honestly, this could be runway-ready on the teen streets of Connecticut. He pulled a Joey Tribbiani and put on every piece of clothing in Chandler's closet.

If I had to sum up Connecticut teen fashion, I’d say: if you look like you escaped from an asylum at midnight, got hit by a city bus, and lived to tell the tale—you nailed it.

You might be wondering what I’m wearing right now—blue jeans and a black T-shirt. Classics are classics for a reason.

Sure, there are some truly atrocious old photos of me out there: a shell necklace, frosted tips, even a mohawk at one point. But honestly? I’d take any of those over looking like a Q-tip that failed quality control.

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